So You Want To Be An Artist? (or How To Deal With Disappointment 101 or Notes on Funemployment 1)

Featured imageImage from berlin-artparasites

I was around 3 or 4 when I asked my parents to let me join Little Miss Philippines on Eat Bulaga because I wanted to be just like Aiza Seguerra. I wanted to have my own TV Show, star in my own movie, endorse all the hotdogs I could ever want but my Father said no. He told me to focus on my academics because he doesn’t want me to end up like all the problematic celebrity kids. But I could not be stopped. I joined all of the productions I could. It did not matter if I was a tree swaying in the background or the star of the show. I would finish my homework early so I could play dress up and practice my Little Miss Philippines spiel in front of the mirror. 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known that I wanted to be in the limelight. It wasn’t just about becoming famous and getting the applause. It was about sharing your life with about 10 million different people at once. Connecting with them. Hopefully making an impact in their lives.

I’ve pretty much known from the get go that this was where I was meant to be, but sometimes life takes over. You’re not pretty enough. You’re too ordinary. Nobody’s gonna cast a big girl. Be smart, girl. Don’t waste your life trying to chase an impossible dream. With my self-esteem lower than the average temperature in Antartica, I hid behind my thick lenses to protect myself from the cruelty of onlookers; used my books and my stories to help me figure out where the hell am I supposed to bring myself now. Continue reading “So You Want To Be An Artist? (or How To Deal With Disappointment 101 or Notes on Funemployment 1)”


Things Worth Fighting For

🌈🌈🌈🦄🦄🦄 Happy Pride Month, Beshies! 💯💯💯 🎉🎉🎉

Though we can celebrate and march openly, there are still many that can’t. We still have a loooooooooooong way to go.

In honor of love, openness, visibility, all things that are beautiful, and fighting for the right to have this, I’m posting this poem I wrote and performed specifically for Metro Manila Pride March and Festival 2016. Yes, I needed 1 year to be brave enough to post this publicly. Ok ang dami ko na namang kuda. Lols. Here it is:

I spent most of my life trying to blend in.
Try to fade into the background.
Try not to be noticed.
Shhh. Be quiet.
No one wants to hear you speak.
It wasn’t always like that.
I wasn’t always like that.

As a child, I am vibrant and full of life.
Armed with big and colorful wings that you can see from a mile away, telling everyone,
“I don’t know what I am yet, I’m not sure what I’m going to turn into,
but look at me. I am here. I am beautiful. I exist.”

But when I look around, I see that there is no one like me.

So I try to be brave, stand alone, unafraid.
Sticking out like a sore thumb in the sea of black and white
I see all eyes on me.
Some fascinated, some curious, some mocking, some disappointed, some disgusted, but mostly afraid.

They look at me like what I have is contagious
As if my existence is like a virus that can spread like an epidemic
So they try to cure me
Inject me with doctrine
Quarantine me until I’m better
Tell me over and over again that I am sinful,
That God made Eve for Adam and everything else is incorrect,
That this is just a phase, I’ll grow out of it.
That people like me are lost and need saving.

Then they break my bones to fit a straitjacket, so I will begin to look like everyone else;
Put a muzzle on me so that I can’t speak.
They’ve erased me.
Made me blend in, fade into the background, no one even noticed.
I was taught that once all of my colors have faded away, I’ll finally be free.

But I guess, I wasn’t meant for that kind of freedom.
They’ve clipped my wings but they keep on growing back.
They’ve anchored me down with their words but the ropes are not strong enough.
They tried to cage me in guilt, but I’ll always find a way out.

Look at me.
Like you, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Like you, I am a creation meant to take up space. I am matter.
I matter.
All I ask is that you do not erase me.
Let me be here.
Let me exist.

Buratchibells ni Madame

Happy World Poetry Day! Before the day ends, I’d like to share with you a piece I wrote for Metro Manila Pride x Words Anonymous HUBAD: Katawan, last year. I think I’ve only ever performed this thrice, so wala syang video. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sana maperform ko na sya ulit.

Sort of sensitive content, pasintabi na lang sa mga hindi mahilig sa tite or sa genitals in general.

Continue reading “Buratchibells ni Madame”

Lipat Bahay (video)

September 10th is International Suicide Prevention Day. It is one of the leading causes of death worldwide and is totally preventable. A major cause of this is mental illness, mainly depression.

I’ve lost several friends through this. Watched them crumble and lose hope from the sidelines because I was also dealing with my own demons. I often think that maybe if I was well, I would’ve been able to do something. Anything.

This particular piece was written about someone who was very close to me, someone whose demons played well with mine. I miss him every day.

Para sa lahat ng nauna, at sa lahat ng naiwan.

Lipat Bahay — Transcript

Prince and Bowery

Ayaw kong ipost ang transcript nito kasi hindi ako matapang. Mukha lang akong matapang pero hindi talaga. Feeling ko hindi ko pa rin ito masasabi directly na siya ang rason bakit ko sinulat ‘to. Hahahaha! Pero dahil may video na, isama na natin ang transcript. Bahala na si Batman.

A short one, for the boy with the good hair. 


There are many things that I like to keep secret:
Like the stash of chocolates hidden behind my bookcase,
The shoebox of love letters hidden somwhere in my room,
The cherry bomb in my pocket just waiting to be lit,
The vibrator I desperately try to hide from my mother, hidden deep inside my underwear drawer.

Out of all of my secrets, you’re my favorite.

You’re my mobile phone ringing at 3 am and I’m quietly running down the stairs to open the building door, desperately trying to make sure that no one else can hear it creak.
The way you are a boxers man because you like to keep the boys well ventilated.
The way your hair looks after an entire night of binge drinking like tumbleweed being blown away by a desert storm.
The way we say I love yous in our sleep, silently. With no traces left in the morning.

I keep you hidden in my left breast pocket, closest to my heart; while I’m stashed away in the back pocket of your jeans, barely breaking your confident stride.

You said the world wasn’t ready for us.
That this was better, more fascinating, more exciting: all the clandestine rendezvous, the shoebox of love letters, the 3 am calls, the tumbleweed blown away by the desert storm, the cherry bomb in our pockets, the silent I love yous.

You’re the king of the world; I was just your 3 o’clock habit.
I’ve wanted so long to be the queen of your castle, but for now I’ll settle as the jester in your court.
Until that time comes, I’ll wait for you at the corner of Prince and Bowery every morning at 3, hoping that someday, one day, you’ll end up loving me.


What would you do if the world suddenly runs out of Sriracha? That wonderful spicy red paste that gives your food an additional kick, definitely addictive. Can’t even begin to imagine eating some of my favorite food without it.

Watch as Kevin Yang explores a world without Sriracha in one of my favorite poems below: Continue reading “Srirachapocalypse”

Life is Full of Surprises: Life Update as of May 2016

I’m a fairly optimistic person, when I’m in the mood. Always seeing the good in people (’till they piss me off), seeing the rainbow after a storm, the sunshine through a cloudy day, and all the clichés that you can relate to optimism.

I grew up thinking I can be whoever I wanted to be and achieve whatever I wanted to achieve with enough prayer and hard work as my mom would always say. I have a lot of dreams, but life hasn’t always been good. Continue reading “Life is Full of Surprises: Life Update as of May 2016”

Lipat Bahay

Note: This is the solo piece I performed for TWO: Words Anonymous’ Second Anniversary Show. 

Tuwing gabi, ginigising ako ng pagkaluskos ng mga laylayan ng aking kurtina sa mga kartong minarkahan ng mga sulat kamay mo.
Takot pa rin akong buksan sila, kahit na alam ko naman kung ano ang kanilang nilalaman.
Ilang linggo na silang nakatambay sa aking paanan at dapat ko na talaga silang buksan pero huwag muna.
Baka kapag hinayaan ko lang silang nakaganyan ay mananatili kang nariyan. Continue reading “Lipat Bahay”

Past Midnight: Two

At night, I lie awake and see all the unopened boxes spread across the room, each one labeled with the familiar scribble of your name. I’m afraid to open them, even if I knew what they contained. They’ve been here for a couple of weeks now and I should really get to unpacking but maybe, just maybe, if I keep them sealed it’ll keep you here a little bit longer. Continue reading “Past Midnight: Two”